Sharmin Bhutto | London
We “spoke” to him is probably saying it lightly. There is nothing more demoralizing than watching human being cry tears of despair when you are asking me to relive his nightmare in fine details. Despite that I sat through it, feeling more guilty and exasperated at myself than before.
Abdur Rahman is an openly Gay man, who has been subjected to every single form of mental abuse by the society, by the family, by the friends only because of his association with gay people and obviously for his sexual orientation.
By enormous social pressure and by experiencing bitter criticism of his sexual orientation, he himself considered him a “sick man” and to cure his “sickness” he became his own doctor and got married to a British lady, Jodie Alexis back in 2015 (Abdur was convinced that it will be “therapeutic” for him) only to be discovered his partner that he has had relationships with other men.
He has been abandoned thus by those he called family, he has been abandoned by every divine entity human being has ever bowed their heads to. But perhaps Abdur made the first move.
“Where was I supposed to go?” my another friend Faysal Hossain Onik said, heaving as he fought back angry tears, “At one stage I contemplated ending my life altogether, I mean what’s the point? My family hates me, I have been discarded like garbage by my own wife and now I know not even Allah wants me. Why should I believe in him then? Why should have faith in anyone who has chastised me for my sexuality? I am a person whose sexual preferences are the result of a naturally occurring phenomenon and infinitely comparable to heterosexuality which isn’t frowned upon as much in this society.”
Abdur Rahman adopted atheism as a way of life afterwards, boycotting religion altogether citing something as biased as this is not worthy of a consideration anymore. There was a subtle reference from Abdur worth noting, to the strict ban, there is against homosexuality and bisexuality. It is indicative of the way the Bangladeshi society is today and their stance towards members of the LGBT community. Abdur sadly was discovered, but what about those who manage to keep it a secret? Are they any better off?
Once I met one of my friends relative who is a gay man and used to live a very discreet life in Bangladesh. When I met him last year, he told me- “I and Azam (his boy friend), we are both Muslims by birth. We’ve been together for nearly 9 years. We are both self-sufficient. We pray, we fast, and we pay Zakat. We go out on weekends. We send money to our parents as well. While our souls are one and inseparable he has no legal right over me, neither do I have any legal right over him”.
“It is difficult often to ask why me?”, said Zobair Hossain another gay man, when we asked him about being marginalized and struggling with near insanity, caused by depression, the weight of hopelessness. “And then comes the whole argument that it is fate and that ‘God’ made you like this. Well, I don’t believe that I am what who I am, dictated by nature, as is the case for everyone else. And yet I am treated as though I have suffered a mutation, my love, feelings graded as lecherous. This is an idea harboured by the society, my parents and those with whom I am acquainted with, was acquainted with. Those who bullied me, slandered me, took away my childhood and much of my youth from me. Where do you go from here, what do you do in a situation like this? Do hold your own retaining your identity with extreme secrecy? Or risk exposure in exchange for a target on your back for the rest of your life?
There are several stories like this on the secret affairs of homosexual partners in this country.
Is the relationship between a man and a woman valid before marriage? It gains validity after marriage. And the same applies to homosexuals. Julhash and Tonoy died, fighting to obtain these rights for homosexuals and the LGBT community. Where just days ago a beacon of light had shone, it is now pitch black again. Julhash and Tonoy’s murder has left the LGBT community shaken, stunned and silenced.
Everybody harbors a certain kind of hostility towards the LGBT community. Almost everybody perceives homosexuality as the desire to have sex and sleep around. When it comes to heterosexuality it doesn’t matter how many women you’ve been with, because marriage between a man and a woman has validity. But because homosexuals don’t have the privilege of getting married, they have to carry the tag of “sleeping around” and continue fighting against society.
The situation is such that whilst sex is readily available, it is difficult to build towards a long term relationship. Which means that you’re able to fulfil your sexual desires, but can’t get married because of legal complications. Because the law doesn’t permit them, the members of the LGBT community are being deprived of legal relationships. And yet I am sure if same-sex marriage had been legalized in this country, the number of homosexual marriages wouldn’t have been that small. A lot of us think that the LGBT community adopts a western model of thinking, which is not compatible with our society. Is it, really? Tell me, if two people want to live together in love, want to spend the rest of their lives together, what is wrong with that?
What’s the use in injecting “Western-Eastern” poison into their lives, discriminating them for their love, their success? Can’t the society make use of their talents? Many also believe that homosexuality is a disease. Yes, it is a disease. And so is heterosexuality which can reach the levels of sex addiction. If marriage is made valid these diseases won’t exist. In truth, if a human being learns to respect another, we can easily discover answers to a lot of questions.
Where is the restriction? Religion? In religion, the history of sodomy was largely influenced by rape and injustice. Historical accounts during Lut’s period, the history of sex addiction without marriage, the history of injustice. There are thousands of writings and proof available to support that. Just as marriage is the solution to a man and woman’s illicit affair, similarly same-sex marriage is the answer to stopping illicit relationships amongst homosexual lovers. Despite marriage being validated by religion, for some reason legal complications are pushing it back. And now machetes have been thrown into the mix. Before it was possible to use their intellect and carry on striving for their identities, now a completely different threat puts their very existence at risk. Keep quiet, be raped, and be deprived of education-society.
Islamic countries are where homosexuals deprived the most, and for a special reason. In Islamic countries, it is often common practice to unite a rapist and his female victim in the aftermath of a rape incident. This is one of the most important reasons why same-sex marriage is prohibited. Also in Islamic countries, “bacchabaji” (having sex with children) is a popular source of entertainment. It is almost justified for the rich and wealthy to rape little children or “Gelman”. ( male prostitute) They’re free to rape underage children, no need to worry about periods, no need to worry about condoms bursting and having a child by accident. Not that this country is devoid of such secret pleasures. From politicians to village “matobbors” (influential person) all secretly harbor these desires.
What’s the solution? There is none. They’ll rape, suck others and be sucked by others. They’ll behead you if bring up marriage, will give you bizarre medical excuses, show you legal barriers, and recite false religious scriptures to you. Take care Julhash-Tonoy.
